Sadly, since we don't yet have robot servants, a lot of the things we do in our day-to-day are completely mundane. You get up, you brush your teeth, you make your breakfast, you drive to work. Wash, rinse, repeat. You can pretty much do it all on autopilot.
The problem with living your life on autopilot, however, is that you can make some pretty startling mistakes without even realizing. And that's just what these people below did. Fortunately, they were good enough to laugh at themselves and then go online to share their follies with us.
52. This seems like an unfair thing to do at 3:30 am
Photo by Tim Eiden from Pexels
51. I don't understand this but I gather it's serious
50. Tons of Vitamin C
Poured orange juice instead of milk into my cereal, put the bowl of cereal into the fridge, walked back to the table with nothing wondering where in the world I had put my cereal. Breakfast is tough.
49. Do you take cream in your water
I once poured some fresh coffee grounds into the basket before placing the filter in. Upon realizing my mistake, I emptied and cleaned the basket and then placed the filter in its rightful place. Then I poured the water in and hit brew.
Fifteen minutes later, I had a full pot of hot water.
Not a good morning.
48. Don't knock it 'til you try it
I worked at a restaurant where we had to knock on the bar door before opening it. I probably did it about 20 times a day for 6 years. Almost every time I open a door that you just have to push open, like a bathroom door at a restaurant or something, I knock really hard like three times. I get lots of weird looks.
47. Nanner for nana
Once I was feeding my 1-year-old a banana and talking to my mom. In the middle of the conversation, I pushed the banana in front of my moms face and just waited for her to take a bite. It took like 30 seconds to register that I was force feeding my 48 year-old-mother NOT my toddler. It was hilarious.
46. Your mom
45. Shave your teeth
44. Early to rise
Wake up in the middle of the night to take a pee then just autopiloted into my morning routine... It wasn't until after I drank my coffee that I realized it was only 3AM and that I wasn't going to be able to go back to sleep.
Photo by Steve Johnson from Pexels
43. Three is a crowd
You ever drive to work on the weekend? Mine is even worse than that. I had three jobs for awhile, and occasionally I'd get dressed for the right job, then drive straight to the wrong one and not realize it until I'm at the door. Or answering the phone at job A with job B's greeting.
42. How did it work out?
41. The opposite of free gas
40. When we say 'stop', we don't mean forever
39. The walk-thru
38. Knife sandwich > knuckle sandwich
37. So close to a break and enter
36. There's no barfing in soccer
35. Hello, it's me, double-fudge
34. You thought you caught yourself
33. Nachos and tea
32. The invisible pillowcase
31. The first coffee paradox
Photo by Kaboompics .com from Pexels
30. This almost sounds like an alien abduction story
29. Have you tried re-starting it?
Photo by Oleksandr Pidvalnyi from Pexels
28. Dogs aren't stupid enough to eat Tide pods
27. A tale of two babies
26. "Who's a good boy?"
Now, anytime my wife sees anything remotely white and fluffy she says "who's a good boy?"
25. More pet peeves
24. From the cash to the trash
23. Shower of shame
Pixabay
22. Are you Samuel L. Jackson?
21. You may have cracked yourself
I was trying to make some scrambled eggs.
20. I prefer my keys chilled too
19. Well, as long as you're not driving on autopilot
18. Rat heaven is a bag of ham
Had a pet rat out roaming with me while I made some toast. Cleaned up, put the rat in the fridge and didn't realize until I put the butter in the cage that oh crap!
Went to reclaim the rat and she was all like: "Screw off, the food box is MINE now." She had already gotten into the ham.
I rushed all over there concerned and apologetic and she's freakin' balls-deep in a packet of ham and actually tried to cling to the door as I took her out. She'd seen paradise and wasn't leaving.
17. Horse in the house
16. Kiss the beard
15. At the end of the line
I drove a city bus in college. My route and my commute home had a road that overlapped. Driving home from work one night I ended up doing my bus route instead of my commute home and didn't realize it until I ended up in the bus terminal at the end of the line. I guess it was better than driving into my apartment complex with the city bus.
14. Moo moos on the choo choo
13. No shame in the game
12. Sleepwalking = autopilot + unconscious
11. Highway hypnosis
10. Super keen to get to school, huh?
9. Alternate theory: girlfriend is a shapeshifter
Image by StockSnap from Pixabay
8. The accidental thief
7. So that's what cat food tastes like
6. So close to getting it right
5. Time to stop making decisions for a while
4. The grownup equivalent of calling your teacher 'mom'
3. Lunch shouldn't beep
2. I write essays in my sleep
Pixabay
1. The importance of bathroom etiquette
As most males are undoubtedly aware, men's restrooms usually have a fairly standard design: There's a row of sinks, followed by a row of urinals, and then finally a handful of stalls. The accepted etiquette for the men's room is nigh-on universal, but for those who might not know (and there seem to be a fair number of you), it can be described as such:
- Enter the restroom.
- If there is a urinal available and the ones next to it are not in use, approach and do your business.
- If there is a urinal available and the ones next to it are in use, find another urinal.
- If no other urinals are available (save for ones with adjacent users), approach, stare straight ahead, and finish as quickly as possible.
- If there are no urinals available, use a stall. Be sure to close and lock the door.
- If there are no urinals or stalls available, stand behind a urinal - keeping as much distance between you and the current occupant as possible - and pretend to be very interested in either the floor or the ceiling.
These rules are in place for the specific purpose of minimizing embarrassment, and they work well if everyone follows them. Unfortunately, while in a caffeine-deprived haze, I managed to accidentally exploit an unfortunate loophole.
I had walked into the restroom, intent on... well, you can guess... and discovered that none of the urinals were available. Fortunately, one of the stall doors was ajar, indicating that it was unoccupied... or so I thought. Upon entering the stall in question, I discovered that it was already in use by someone who had neglected to close the door, and who was midway through their "expulsion of fluids."
Had I been in a sounder state of mind, I would have hurriedly exited and waited for a different section of the facility to become available. As it happened, I decided that the best course of action was to lounge against the wall - still inside of the stall, mind you - and twiddle with my phone until the guy finished his performance. It was only as he was nearing completion that I realized what I was doing, and I rushed to exit the stall before my unwitting co-occupant noticed my presence.
Of course, that was right when someone else entered the restroom. They saw me leave the stall, assumed that it was empty, and walked forward... right into the original occupant, who was making his own exit.
I decided to hold it in for a while after that.