Begone, Car Lashes and Bumper Stickers
Cars are perfect extensions of our personalities—everything from the paint color to its name shows off who we are. But some accessories show a little too much personality and it’s high time we ditched the offensive items or outdated trinkets.
Photo by Emily Studer on Unsplash
1. Huge Spoilers
Enormous spoilers on everyday cars aren’t exactly a status symbol. Maybe movies are to blame, but we’ve had enough of these gaudy accessories that don’t do anything but weigh down your vehicle. Not only that, but they can also impede performance.
Photo by stable pattern on Unsplash
2. Whistle Tips
While there’s nothing like a classic engine rev, there’s no reason a PT Cruiser should sound like a getaway car. We hoped these annoying add-ons would’ve lost their appeal by now, but alas, they’re right there in a suburban neighborhood at 2:00 in the morning.
Photo by Elvis Bekmanis on Unsplash
3. Explicit Items
Is anything more jarring than dangling rear bumper accessories? That’s the last thing we want to see on a peaceful walk! Contrary to popular belief, they’re more off-putting than funny.
Photo by Polina Zimmerman on Pexels
4. Car Eyelashes
It’s true—we, too, fell for the appeal of anthropomorphizing our vehicles. Then it stopped being 2001 and we all kind of moved on. Just about every car had these for a while but we’re glad the lash glue finally wore off.
Mike Mozart on Wikimedia Commons
5. Fluffy Dice
Nothing said “cool” like a guy in the 70s with a big old pair of fuzzy dice in the mirror. In today’s world, though? They’re a little tacky, eat up a ton of space, and they’re pretty big distractions.
Photo by Dan Smedley on Unsplash
6. Swivel Trays
In case anyone needs a reminder about the dangers of distracted driving, here we are! Don’t get these. Motorists don’t need a readied plate of McDonald’s fries on the highway (and they certainly don’t need any beverages).
7. Antenna Toppers
Though every car once had these things, we’re glad to see antenna toppers lost their popularity. Nothing beat the fear of walking through a parking lot with dozens of gently bobbing happy faces, their creepy little eyes following you the whole time.
8. Neon Lights
Not much can be done about today’s modern cars. You know, the ones—models with blinding neon headlights that burn the eyes of nearby motorists. However, there’s no need to exacerbate the problem with neon underglows.
Photo by Ryan Spencer on Unsplash
9. Furry Steering Wheel Covers
Steering wheels pick up enough bacteria without adding a furry cover into the mix. Germs aside, these unattractive accessories are also bulky and dangerous, sometimes slipping out of place as you drive. It’s best to steer clear.
Photo by Ishant Mishra on Unsplash
10. Offensive Bumper Stickers
Heaven knows we’ve seen enough stick-figure families, but offensive bumper stickers are in a league of their own. No one needs to see Calvin relieving himself or read gross phrases. It’s okay to leave the bumper bare!
Photo by Sierra Ray on Unsplash
11. Car Bras
Though we’d love to protect our paint from scratches, unsightly car bras aren’t the solution. Not only are they prone to falling off, but they’re also magnets for grime and dirt, which defeats their purpose anyway. If you’re going to pick one, at least opt for the clear version.
Ildar Sagdejev on Wikimedia Commons
12. Phony Performance Badges
Petrolheads know high performance when they see it—just as importantly, they recognize its absence. That Etsy decal won’t improve performance, and worst of all, it’s a surefire sign of car world pariahs.
Tokumeigakarinoaoshima on Wikimedia Commons
13. Fake Spinning Rims
We’re not talking about motorists who shell out the money for authentic chrome rims. We’re talking about those who didn’t commit, instead grabbing gimmicky rims that either don’t spin correctly or look poorly made.
14. Massive Wheels
Ordinary pickup trucks don’t need monster truck wheels. They’re not only an eyesore, but they also impede performance and can even get in the way of handling. Don’t even think about hitting a pothole either.
Andrey Filippov 安德烈 on Wikimedia Commons
15. Plastic License Protectors
Plate covers are entirely unnecessary and, in fact, illegal in some states. They often obscure, not protect, making it harder to capture plate numbers in speed traps or on camera. If you’re going to splurge, double-check if they’re even allowed!
Photo by Tory Hoffman on Unsplash
16. Scissor Doors
Lamborghini doors are only cool on Lamborghinis—they’re just plain strange on everyday cars. These actually do more harm than good, forcing you to pay attention to clearance and zapping all your money in the process.
Supermac1961 on Wikimedia Commons
17. Shiny Rearview Items
We’ve covered fuzzy dice, but that’s just the beginning. Reflective items like disco balls or CDs are just as distracting, not to mention unnecessary. Word to the wise: they don’t interrupt police radars either.
Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash
18. Custom Shift Knobs
Anything from viper heads to resin shift sticks awaits you—that doesn’t mean motorists should indulge. Vanity shift knobs are usually a waste of money and can even get in the way of proper shifting. Not exactly worth the safety risk to put your shift knob in a hoodie.
Robert Basic on Wikimedia Commons
19. Hood Ornaments
Nothing said affluence like a hood ornament, but those days are long gone. You'll rarely find them today, and any modern vehicle fixed with one is easily recognized as an impersonator.
20. Bedazzled Anything
Motorists enamored by bedazzled steering wheels ought to rethink their decor. It’s one thing to be gaudy but it’s another thing to pose significant safety risks. In the event of a crash, those little jewels quickly become shrapnel and even the NHTSA warns against them.
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